The Best Kink Sex Toys - In Celebration Of National Kink Day
Welcome, pilgrim, to the dark side...
Remember that old Marks and Spencer’s advert about food? “There’s food, and then there’s M&S food.” That’s how we feel about sex. There’s sex, and then there’s kinky sex. And the key to kinky sex? Kinky sex toys. Naturally.
Let’s get started.
What is a kink?
It’s important to differentiate between a kink and a fetish. A fetish is the projection of sexual desire onto an object or thing that has no inherent sexual quality. Take one of the most popular ones, for example: shoes. She’s are not necessary for sex, and have no innate sexual significance. They’re shoes. But a lot of people attribute sexual characteristics to them anyway, and they become essential to that person’s internal sexuality. They often need those things in order to experience heightened sexual arousal. And that’s true of all things, anything can be fetishised. Smoking. Abandoned buildings. Celery. If you’re super into celery then, we hate to be sticklers about this, but you have a celery fetish, not a celery kink.
That’s because a kink refers specifically to a sexual act or desire, usually one that is not absolutely necessary to experience heightened sexual arousal. For example, someone might have a spanking kink, but they don’t necessarily need
to be spanked to achieve orgasm. A celery fetishist, on the other hand, might require the smell of celery to climax. I don’t know why we’re talking about celery.
Why people incorporate kink into the bedroom
Kinky sex, and in particular impact play, are as old as recorded history. We can’t decipher the 2500-year-old written language of the Etruscans, but we know from the “Tomb Of The Flogging,” which features a mural of a woman in a threesome while being whipped, that they were kinky before it was cool.
A lot of us explore kinkier sex because it rolls in a whole new level of psychological pleasure that “vanilla” sex doesn’t offer. Kink often (but not necessarily) involves some element of power play, or of masochism and sadism –
pleasure derived from inflicting or receiving pain. Kink is as much about the mind as about the body, and that requires a level of
trust and communication and intimacy that regular, vanilla sex can’t compete with. While kinky, BDSM sex can look ugly from the outside, most advocates will tell you that it brings people closer, and allows them to explore new sensations and deeper love.
Common kinks
The most common kink is BDSM. BDSM is a kind of backformation, loosely standing for Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Sadism, Submission, and Masochism. It’s a massively broad term, it’s a bit like saying “my favourite sexual
activity is sex.”
But for the purposes of being concise, in this context BDSM generally involves power and impact play: that’s role play, exploration of power dynamics, and things like spanking and whipping. That’s what most people think of when they think of kinky sex and BDSM toys.
Role play involves adopting the mannerisms of another, which is a very sexy way to free yourself from inhibitions. Just, pretend to be someone else, and act like they would act. Very effective for good power exchange play.
Other kinks might be things like dirty talk. Some people find it easier to climax when dirty talk is involved, the nastier the better in a lot of cases. Sex is a parallel universe: the normal rules of communication don’t always apply.
Bondage
Bondage is freedom. The sensation of being restrained, helpless, vulnerable, is very sexy to a lot of people. Inversely, others find the feeling of having control over another person to be very powerful. The first group are generally called submissives, and the second group are dominants. (Usually. We don’t have time to talk in more nuanced language, but we will.)
Some people love really elegant rope bondage and shibari. Others like a more utilitarian approach. If you’re not sure where to start your bondage journey, we recommend a combinations: some beautiful kinky handcuffs, for example.
Impact play
Kinky people will often tell you they knew they enjoyed impact play before they knew what it was. Erotic spanking is enhanced with kink toys like paddles and canes. The sensations are very different and which type of sensory play you enjoy, you’ll have to learn through experience. But to give you a headstart, kinky people tend to judge impact play toys on a sting-thud scale. Canes are stingy, heavy floggers and thick spanking paddles are thuddy.
Wax Play
Wax play is where sex meets kink meets art. It should be approached cautiously because the sensations are very intense, and not all candles are equal. We highly recommend teasing wax candles to start with, which have a lower melting temperature than conventional candles, and are less likely to damage the skin.
Look, in all seriousness now, wax play can look sexy from the outside if you’ve never tried it before, but it’s no joke. Even submissives with light masochistic streaks sometimes find it too much. So talk to everyone involved before, during, and after the experience with honesty. Because communication is first and foremost in BDSM. In fact, they should call it CBDSM.
Temperature play
Wax play is a subcategory of temperature play in general. The same thrilling moment of shock and anticipation delivered by a drop of hot wax can also be offered by running an ice cube over the inner thigh, for example.
Sensory deprivation
Here’s the thing about sensory play: when you reduce or restrict one sense, all the others are amplified to compensate. That’s what makes it so good. A simple blindfold can unlock your body and all the sensations of sex are intensified as a
result.
A blindfold isn’t a kinky sex toy as such, more like an accessory for better sex in general. Imagine that ice cube we just mentioned on your thigh. Now imagine it again with a blindfold, uncertain where the next sensation will be on your body. The sexy thing is now even sexier, and all it took was an eye mask.
And if you have a penis, we have you covered.
Start your kinky journey
Since you’re reading this on a website called sextoys.co.uk, it’s probably safe to assume you know a bit about sex, and sex toys. You’re probably not here for gardening tips.
So in a sense, you’ve already started your kinky journey. Welcome. How’s it going? Kinky sex and BDSM is about much, much more than paddles and spankers and Wartenberg pinwheels and saying nasty things though. It’s a lot more conceptual
than that.
Here are some of the more important elements to consider.
Communicating to your partner
All good sex is ultimately a product of good communication, but that’s doubly true in a kinky sex life. Trust is a central pillar of kinky sex, and that trust can only be earned through open and honest dialogue. It’s important to establish safewords. Even if you don’t expect to use them, things can change fast while you’re in a “scene,” the name given to an organised kinky sex encounter.
Boundary-setting and informed consent can be murky, and the first time you negotiate your limits, it can be intimidating. No one wants to seem weak, or reject something a partner wants to do. But you have to protect each other.
Communication is how you do that.
There are plenty of kink and BDSM professionals out there who can offer you a kind of guided negotiation, helping to facilitate what can be a difficult conversation.
Discovering your own kink
Kink, especially when it involves power exchange, can feel contradictory. A lot of us have asked ourselves, for example, how we can be a submissive but also a progressive feminist. On the flipside, others amongst us have been confused about how we project a sense of dominance, and then take the recycling out to the bins or let our guard down and be silly.
Don’t be afraid of the contradictions. Embrace them. It’s more fun that way. And be proud.
How it can benefit your relationship
All society benefits from better sex. It works on macro and micro levels. On the macro, a world leader is less likely to hit the nuclear button if they’re daydreaming about the kinky sex they had the night before. On the micro, kinky people love each other more profoundly, in our opinion, than vanilla people.
There is a sense of shared secrets, a sense of communion, in kinky sex. You have to be vulnerable, and emotionally honest to do it well. That is the bond that’s part of keeping a relationship strong.
Different types of kinky sex toys
One of the exciting things about BDSM and kinky sex is that the definitions are loose, and your sex life is yours to create. That means a whole lot of experimentations, and BDSM toys are integral to that. Let’s take a look at some of the more hardcore kinky sex toys available.
Cock and ball play
CBT is ‘cock and ball torture.’ It’s also the name given to the test for a motorbike license. Don’t get the two confused.
CBT is at the more extreme end of BDSM, and there are specialist brands and professionals who cater to that. What we want to look at is a kind of middle ground.
Cock and ball play does a number of things. Cock rings for example enlarge the blood vessels in the penis, making it fuller and firmer, and can help delay orgasm. Ball stretchers work a little like a weightlifting belt, making ejaculation far more intense. To combine all those benefits, consider something like an erection enhancer. This kinky sex toy is the perfect way into penis-specific kinky play – and this version is great for vegans because it’s not made of leather.
Fisting dildos
Fisting is... an acquired taste. Not everyone’s into it, but those who are, well they’re REALLY into it. There are a few dildos out there in the shape of fists. But our advice? When it comes to fisting, it’s time to roll your sleeves up and take a more hands-on approach.
Check out these latex fisting gloves. They’re perfect not just for hygiene reasons, nor for fetishy latexy reasons, but because they respond to lubrication better than your own skin. That equals a more pleasurable experience all round. Lube is
life.
Find out more about fisting here.
Restraints
BDSM has a preoccupation with knots and tying techniques. That’s fantastic for some, and the results can be beautiful, if you have the patience. For efficiency, no one’s going to judge you for relying on a pre-made harness and cuffs. The effect is exactly the same.
You’ll want something versatile, that can offer a number of sex positions, and depending on your living situation, you might want something that’s easily and discreetly stowed too. Nothing ruins a family visit than your dear old ma tripping over a spreader bar or something.
We recommend the Under The Bed Binding Restraint Kit.
We also recommend reading our guide to physical restraints here.
