Give the best handjobs with these top tips!

This month on 21 July it’s national handjob day, and learning how to give a great handjob is up there as one of the best sex techniques you can learn to give your partner some seriously orgasmic pleasure. So let’s get creative with our handjob skills with these top penis play tips so that you can get your partner’s toes curling!

There are plenty of reasons to incorporate a handjob into your sex routine and make it a part of the main course rather than just the appetizer. 

What is a handjob?

A handjob is when one person stimulates another person’s penis or scrotum with their hands and fingers. This is usually intended to bring the person with a penis to erection, and can be completed either as an act of foreplay or completed to ejaculation.

Who can enjoy a hand job?

Although we’re going to focus on people with penises as the pleasure receivers in our hand job tips, the person giving the hand job can get turned on by this act too. 

It’s important to note that handjobs don’t always have to be a form of foreplay or a prelude to sex. They can be a sex act in themselves, and are a great way to avoid STI transmission or pregnancy if you don’t have other contraception methods on hand. Trust us, anyone with a penis will be more than satisfied – if you employ the proper handjob techniques, that is.

Why do people like giving a handjob?

There’s nothing more gratifying than seeing your partner’s member *at attention* thanks to all the tender stroking you’re delivering. Watching the look of pleasure on your partner’s face is also a massive turn-on.  Also, it can be extremely hot to be in control, driving your partner crazy however you say fit. Giving a simple hand job can even turn into a form of power play, which we’ll discuss more below.

The great thing about the receiver’s hands being freed up is that while you’re giving them handjob, their hands will still be free to caress and touch your erogenous zones or even use a sex toy on you, making things even steamier. 

How to prepare for a handjob

And while using lots of lube is essential, so is preparing your hands before hands!  Well-moisturized hands are key - no one wants to be caressed by a dry-calloused handjob, which can add texture in a bad way and make for an experience that’s more painful than pleasurable. Before embarking on your handy adventure, exfoliate and wash your hands, apply a pumice stone to callouses, and keep nails away from this sensitive part of their anatomy. If you usually have cold hands, run them under warm water or rub them together to warm them up.

How do you give a handjob

Every penis is different, so there’s not a foolproof process for every person. Once lubricant is applied, wrap your hands or fingers around the shaft. Start slowly before working your way up in speed and grip. The tighter you rub, the more it will stimulate penetration, but watch their body signals to see what you should keep doing or be doing more of, and when you should be backing off a bit. 

Hand job techniques

Make a donut ring:

Rather than wrapping your entire hand around the shaft to start, create a ring just with your thumb and forefinger or middle finger, starting underneath the head of the penis or the glans, which is a sensitive, nerve-filled spot.

Play with the whole penis:

The glans and the frenulum are both super sensitive, but the balls, pubic mound, and shaft. Explore rubbing, squeezing, and tickling for a more exciting experience. If they’re uncircumcised, you can even play with foreskin, pulling it back or over the head, stimulating the glans while you stroke.

Use both hands:

A two-handed handjob can be mind blowing. It can add speed, sensation, and control. You can do this by interlocking fingers. You can also twist your hands or roll the penis between two palms, which covers more surface area and adds more power.

Fast then slow:

Don’t be afraid to play around with speed. Consider starting slow and then going faster until they’re close to orgasm, and then slowing down again. This is called edging and can make the final orgasm way more intense.

More handjob tips

Eye contact

There’s a reason “eye sex” is a thing - eye contact can be super lustful and help you connect like nothing else. So while you’re stroking your partner, don’t be afraid to gaze deeply into their eyes, which is guaranteed to take them over the edge.

This can be an even sexier POV if the giver is kneeling and looking up coyly at the receiver. Making eye contact also allows you to gauge your performance and see if they’re happy with what you’re doing, or want you to switch things up. 

Positioning

A good handjob can be given lying down, standing up, or sitting down. It’s often done when the penis owner is lying on his back or sitting on the edge of the bed. You can straddle them cowgirl style from the front or the back, which will let the receiver either grab or get an amazing view of your rear.

You can even do this from the 69 position, which allows you to get pleasured at the same tiime. For anyone who experiences joint pain or discomfort, sitting side by side is also an easy-peasy option that’s comfortable for everyone. 

Preparation

Preparing for the act can really build anticipation. First, consider rubbing the penis over your partner’s pants. You may want to slowly undress them and rub over their boxers to tease them further before they’re fully undressed.

They can grind into your hand - listen to them moan until they can’t take it anymore and finally, strip them down to their birthday suit. 

Lube

If you’re only using your hands, any type of lube (oil, water and silicone based) is fine. If you’re adding some perineum or anal play (a little fingertip or prostate action can take things to a new level) silicone can be a bit cushier which adds to comfort. However, if you’re incorporating sex toys, water-based lube is the best option, since other kinds can degrade toys over time. 

To take things up a notch, add even more pleasure by including stimulating lubes. They can provide a warming or cooling sensation, exciting the receiver even more and bringing a tingly element of temperature play into your session. A desensitizing lube or spray, on the other hand, prolongs a sexual experience and delays ejaculation. This can be useful for people who want to combine a handjob with other sex acts. 

Arousal serums 

While arousal serums can be lubricating, the intention isn’t to add moisture but to heighten sensation and pleasure via the inclusion of different ingredients. This is often done with the addition of stimulating botanic ingredients. They should be used during foreplay or at the beginning of your session to ensure that there’s time for these serums to work their tingly magic. They make the body feel more relaxed and aroused, and who doesn’t want that? 

Communication

Everyone with a penis has spent enough time masturbating what they like or don’t like when it comes to sexy time with hands. Talk to your partner beforehand and ask them what they like. Do they prefer a fast or slow stroking session? Do they want ultra-tight grip or something a bit looser? Do they prefer a wet or dry handjob? (Pro tip: unless it’s a kink, a wet HJ will always be preferable, and no, spit doesn’t lubricate.)

Still, there will always be a bit of guesswork involved, so remember to check in with your partner and check both body and verbal cues. Don’t be afraid to get feedback afterwards, either!

Dirty talk

While dirty talk doesn’t replace communication, it can help you figure out what they like. You can ask them in a seductive whisper, “Do you like that?” Feel free to insert your favorite sexy pet name. Tell them how big or hard they are, or how much touching them turns you or, or how you get aroused just hearing them moan. You can also simply describe what you’re doing to them and how much you love it. When you can feel they’re close to orgasm, you can even command them to come for you.

Watch them masturbate 

The best way to see what your partner is into and get a lesson in HJ techniques? Watch them do it to themselves and give yourself a free erotic performance in the process, getting your inner voyeurist a little excited. They can simply show you, or they can also describe what techniques they like while touching themselves. When you finally do demonstrate the moves they’ve mastered, it’ll make them explore.

Make it a bj combo

Make it a combo meal and blow your partner’s mind (along with their most intimate body part). Why use just your hands when your mouth can up the ante? While you grip the base of the shaft or tickle the balls, consider licking or sucking the head of the penis. If they have a foreskin, pull it down for a more sensitive sensation. Trace and swirl your tongue on the head, and if you’re comfortable with deepthroating, consider taking more of the shaft into your mouth while you grip the base. Flavored lube can turn giving head into a delectable dessert buffet. Don’t be afraid to get wet and sloppy. In fact, the wetter the better!

Play with pressure

Preferences for pressure will depend on what the receiver likes, so this is where communication comes into play. However, you may want to start with lighter pressure before working your way up. Keep in mind that without lube, too much pressure can be aggressive. You can always increase intensity based on your partner’s requests or body language. If you’re using a warming or cooling lube or arousal serum, you may be able to use less pressure. Play around with ticking, rubbing or squeezing to make for a wilder ride!

Mix up stroking patterns

Don’t start fast. Instead, start low and slow, increasing speed as you continue. You may want to mix up the patterns every few minutes to build anticipation. If you start out it too fast, it may cause discomfort for the receiver, or might make them orgasm prematurely. If you want a longer, more drawn out session (though there’s nothing wrong with a quickie) build to a crescendo over time and play around with different rhythms. 

Focus on the tip — glans and frenulum 

Pay attention to the tip, which is where much of the magic happens. The frenulum is where the foreskin meets the underside of the penis, and is the star of the show. It resembles a small V underneath the head (or the glans) and is one of the most sensitive parts of the penis. It’s basically the clit of the penis head, packed with nerve endings. Start by teasing and grazing the frenulum and the head 

Don’t forget the balls

Although the entire corpora cavernosa (that’s just fancy science jargon for the whole body of the penis) has plenty of pleasure opportunities, the balls are an underappreciated area that can drive them wild. This area is sensitive so it requires a more gentle approach than the shaft. Softly cradle, grasp, or graze the testicle in your palm, trace or tickle them with your fingers, or stroke the area between the ball. Some consider ball play to be mandatory for a great hand job!

Incorporate erogenous zones

Both the giver and the receiver can incorporate erogenous zones with hands or sex toys. The receiver can stimulate the giver’s nipples or genitals while they’re getting a handjob. They can even lightly scratch their back for a delicious BDSM twist. For the person giving, you can focus on areas besides the testicles and penis like the perineum and anus, along with inner thigh, nipples and pubic mound. You can even kiss their neck and lips while you’re stimulating them.

Mutual masturbation

If your partner prefers to touch themselves or also wants to see you put on a show, consider some solo play together. With mutual masturbation, you can either use your own hands and watch your partner touching themselves, or you can touch each other with hands or toys to pleasure each other. This incredibly steamy act is proof that you don’t need penetration for truly spectacular sex. You can even add voyeurism into your session by watching in front of a mirror as you get each other off.

Consensually record it

Make a movie! Watching porn is a hot act of foreplay to warm you and your lover up, and it can be even hotter when you’re one of the subjects in the film. It can also make some pretty fantastic masturbation material for when you’re alone. There’s just something so “forbidden” and taboo about it that it turns many people on and helps them embrace their naughty side! Of course, you always need to get consent from your partner before filming.

Consume erotica

Even if you don’t feel like filming and watching yourself having sex, watching porn can help you and your partner get aroused before you play. Try to opt for ethical pornography when you can. If watching visual adult content isn’t for you, audio erotica is extremely popular these days with platforms like Dispea or Quinn which have a huge library for every kink and preference. They can be played alongside your session, or leading up to it.

Use a sex toy

Vibrators can bring pleasure to vulva owners while they’re giving a handjob, but using a male masturbator or vibrator for men can also be used as a pleasure aid on the penis to create the feeling of penetration or oral sex. Compact strokers, when combined with lube, can create a tight feeling on the head and upper part of the shaft, while vibrators for the head of the penis like the Cobra Libre II can awaken sensitive nerve endings. There are also men’s sex toys that wrap around the shaft for an upgraded handjob. 

Use a chastity cage beforehand

A chastity belt can be used beforehand (pun intended) to increase anticipation. Penis owners can wear a chastity cage over the penis to stay in a flaccid state and prevent blood flow (hence, erections) until they’re taken off. These cages can be soft or hard, made of materials like silicone, metal, or plastic. If you want to venture outside the boundaries of vanilla sex, this submissive sex toy is a great way to explore power dynamics and beyond. 

Use a wartenberg wheel

Another way to incorporate BDSM play into a handjob is to use a wartenberg wheel, which can feel good for the receiver and boost sensation. Light pressure can cause a tickling, slightly prickly sensation, whereas heavier pressure will create a delightful pain. Roll it across the penis or VERY lightly across the balls. Since these are sensitive areas with blood flow, you’ll want to be careful with pressure so as to avoid piercing thinner skin and causing bleeding. Always roll it, and never drag it. 

Make a handjob part of a massage

A sensual massage can be added to any handjob to get you and your partner in the mood. While you can massage the back and other erogenous zones, you can also use moisturizing and nourishing ingredients from a massage oil or massage candle on the penis for a warm and sensual experience. Now that’s a happy ending we can get behind!

Edging

As we mentioned before, the beauty of a handjob is that the giver is in control of the situation. When someone with a penis is masturbating, they often make it speedy so they can get to the finish line faster. But for a more explosive finish, consider taking your time and edging your partner, which is essentially a back-and-forth that brings them to the brink of orgasm before backing things off. 

Play around with pressure and speed. Put their penis in your mouth and then take it out again, waiting for a beat. Go fast to turn them on more, then slow when you feel them getting close, and then faster again, alternating this for a few minutes. Once you feel that they’re approaching orgasm, back off again before you speed up. The climax will be a memorable one that they’ll never forget.   
 

Let them come wherever feels hot

If you’re into swallowing and that turns your partner on (or if you just want to avoid a mess) that’s perfectly fine. But don’t be afraid to get a little messy and channel your inner porn star, letting them finish on your breasts, face (stay away from the eyes) belly, or butt. You can also give them direction right as you feel them finishing, which can double as a daring form of dirty talk right as they climax.

Aftercare

Have your partner bring you a warm, wet washcloth to clean up if they’ve ejaculated on you. Once the two of you are clean and comfortable, consider massaging each other, taking a bath together, cuddling, or spending some time on pillow talk. Sexual aftercare is essential for any gender and can help you feel closer (and safer) in your relationship.